03/07/11

i was james franco’s personal assistant, a largely unremarkable experience though i will say he knew a suspiciously large number of drag queens.

02/26/11

i had a rainbow tumor with teeth growing out of my side so large it needed it’s own side car, it could talk, but had a bad attitude so we kept getting thrown out of the good parties.

02/02/11

for a cat he might be a real smart ass, but Stinky makes a terrible partner on Mexican games shows.

02/01/11

spitting up diamonds.

01/26/11

i got away with murder once, so i thought i could do it again, turns out it was only beginners luck. i paid my debt to society and was released into the sea, instantly transformed into a whale, enormous and weightless. it was only in moments of exhilaration when i leapt above the surface was i reminded of the heaviness of truth, and came crashing back down.

01/23/11

a good kitchen knife and ribbons and ribbons of bloody sliced flesh, later i swapped out the knife for scissors and made a lovely paper carousel with marylin manson. i do love to cut things up.